Perashat Vayesse 5779

Perashat Vayesse 5779

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

So I moved here from London just four months ago. Yes, we do get a decent amount of rain, but we don't get all that much snow. Any snow whatsoever shuts the whole country down. They just can't deal with it. "In New York," they said, "they REALLY know how to deal with snow. The streets are cleared. The plows are out in force, and the streets are salted more than kosher meat." (Ok fine, no one says that last part.)

And then yesterday happened. It took my daughter three hours to get home from the Lower East Side. Girls from our kids' schools got home to Monsey at nearly 12 am! They had been on the bus for nearly EIGHT hours! What happened?? 

Leah gives birth to three children: Reuben, Shimon and Levi. She then has a fourth, and the Torah tells us, "And she said 'This time let me thank Hashem', therefore she called his name Yehuda." Yehuda comes from the word Hodaah which means to thank. She was thankful to Hashem for what He had given her. Why wasn't she thankful before? Why only after three children is she ready to say thank you? Rashi quotes the Midrash which states that she said, "This time I will thank Hashem for I have taken more than my share". After all, with 12 tribes and four wives, the math would have dictated three children for each wife. So when she received MORE than her share, she was thankful. This teaches us a key to unlock the Gratitude Attitude.

It was UNEXPECTED, and therefore, she was unprepared for it. 

Kind of like the early snowfall. If we had this kind of snow in mid-December? No problem. But now? Huge problem. Leah felt that she got EXTRA, more than what she deserved. When something is unexpected it takes us by surprise, so we can focus on it and see it for the anomaly that it is. 

If a boss was to pay you your wage, money for which you worked, of course, you would say thank you. However if they DIDN'T pay you, you would take them to court. This is MY MONEY. I worked for it. That "thank you" is not really an expression of gratitude as much as a social nicety. We say thank you when we get out of a cab, even though we paid for it, and even when we overpay for it (arggghhh - surge pricing). We don't really mean that we are full of gratitude to the person. It's just the social conditioning kicking in. 

Yesterday I could not find a cab as I headed uptown, not a single one was free. Finally, one passed by that had no one in it! I ran in the snow, slipping and sliding until I grabbed the door and got in, only to be told, "Sorry I'm not working now. I'm heading home to Queens!" Imagine my frustration. I got out into the snow and scanned the length of the traffic strewn avenue I was on, not a cab in sight. Uber could maybe get there in 15 minutes. I knocked on the window of the same cab and asked the cabbie,"Where are you turning to go home?"
"On 57th". 
"Could I ride with you 'til there?"
"Sure!"

I jumped in and rode until 57th. As I got out I asked him how much I owed him. He told me "No worries, I didn't even put the meter on. I was heading this way anyway!" The thank you I gave him as I got out of the cab was anything but a social nicety. It was hearty and heartfelt. And then I paid him anyway, overpaid him in fact. But the thank you was pristine. Why? After all, I had paid. Unexpected. His generosity was something I didn't deserve but got anyway.

The Gratitude Attitude is when you choose to look at the other person's work, effort or skill, and value it while not focusing on what you brought to the table. Did they do a good job, act kindly or offer a nice gesture that that was not necessary? They could have turned in the report and been grumpy. Happy is not on everyone's job description. Notice the EXTRA. Say thank you, smile at or compliment it.

You can really kick it up a notch when you feel that everything in life is EXTRA. There are people who are hungry, ill, lonely, broke and broken. The true connoisseur of gratitude knows that when you can be surprised by everything, your day is full of tiny bursts of joy and fulfillment. Wrapping your hands around a warm cup of coffee in the cold. Seeing a child smile at you on the street. A cashier who is friendly enough to tell you that "you get one more of these free".  A child who does something without being told. A spouse who genuinely asks you about your day. How many wonderful blessings do I have in my life that so many others don't have??

THANK YOU HASHEM!
Shabbat Shalom!
Rabbi Shlomo Farhi